My heart has been stirring for quite a while concerning sin and forgiveness. In particular, what to expect regarding the two in the Christian life. The stirring has turned into a burning pent up in my bones, thus this blog post.
I was not taught much about forgiveness growing up. From attending church, I learned early on the line, "Jesus died on the cross to save me from my sins." Sin, at least is mentioned here, but forgiveness is nowhere to be found. Of course, I didn't much read the bible growing up, so this is about where my spirituality stopped until high school. Four Christian organizations touched my life over the span of about 10 years, which God used to jump start and grow my walk with Jesus. One was a Centrifuge trip to Florida as a middle schooler, one was a Chrysalis experience I went on my junior year of high school, and one was an Apex backpacking trip I attended withYoung Life my senior year of high school. The other was my involvement with Campus Outreach in college. I am so grateful for the dedicated Christian people God placed in my life through each of these organizations. Each planted seeds in my heart that God was going to grow.
From college fast forward a whopping ONE year and all of a sudden I was married with a baby on the way. God was getting ready to expose my heart and the ugliness of my sin in a way that I had never seen before. And he was going to do it through a man I loved and a precious little baby. Make that four precious little babies. In five years.
The thing that surprised me the most about motherhood was my anger. It was (and still is) the part about myself that seems nearly impossible to tame on some days. Enter the gospel. This is what God has been stirring in my heart. I am so often incredibly surprised by my own sin. Well, God isn't. He is not surprised by a single sin I have ever committed or ever could commit. Not a single one. And each and every time I blunder, stumble, and fumble about because of the sin in my heart He reminds me of the gospel. Of my desperate, constant, can't-ever-get-away-from-it need for saving. But here has been the kicker for me lately...that He actually intends for this to happen! He has designed it, for now, that we are sinners. He knew Adam and Eve would fall in the garden and that each of us would therefore be born sinners. And He has left it this way--on purpose! This is one of the many ways He chooses to reveal Himself to us. Through our failure and weakness.
1 Peter 3:21 says, "There is also an antitype which now saves us, namely baptism (
not the removal of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God), through the resurrection of Jesus Christ,"
Discovering this truth has absolutely shattered preconceived notions I once held about what was right to expect in the Christian life and instead set my expectations aright. I used to think that as I grew in the Lord I would sin less and less. While that might look true on the outside it couldn't be further from the truth on the inside. As I grow closer and closer to Jesus, He shows me more and more of Himself, but also more and more of myself. There is nothing on earth that exposes sin quite like God's standard for holiness. But, I am learning not to fear "the filth of my flesh," but instead to embrace it; not it, per say, but the need that it awakens inside of me for Jesus, for saving, for help! How often I find myself in situations I never intended to be in, having said things in a way I never intended to say them. But, I am so often blind to the motives of my heart and how things I say come across to others. To my husband, to my children, to friends, to my mother-in-law, the grocery store clerk, the list could go on and on. It happens constantly! Oh, how I need Him every hour. Every minute. Every second.
Spiritual Warfare. On top of all of this, is a spiritual battle taking place that we can't see. Satan and his demons whispering lies into the ears of me and billions of others across the world. That sneaky little serpent telling me I can't trust God. He doesn't love me. I am a failure. I can't really be used by God. I am too prideful. I'm too vain. I don't have it all together. I can't even keep the laundry done, silly little girl. Well you see, Satan isn't the only one interested in capitalizing on our sin. God is keenly interested in using, even our sin, for our good and His glory. He allows our sin. It does not surprise Him. God does not fear. He does not worry. Did you know that God Himself, was the One who put Satan up to attacking Job?
In Job 1:8 it reads, "Then the Lord said to Satan, 'Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?'" Satan proceeds to surmise that the only reason Job serves God is because of all the material wealth and good fortune he has gained in life. He threatens the Lord and ascertains that if God were to strike Job he would surely curse God to His face. In verse 12 it reads, "So the Lord said to Satatn, 'Behold all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person...'"
God gave Satan permission to attack Job. He allowed suffering to come the way of one of his beloved children and servants. Sounds strikingly similar to what He permitted to happen to His very own Son. I used to think suffering was for the people God was mad at, the people who displeased Him. Now, I know better. He allows suffering and discipline and correction to come into the lives of His precious children because He loves us! He shows us the ugliness of our sin in His love for us. Our failures, our mistakes, our harsh words, our impatient moments, our senseless oversights, our selfish actions, our laziness, our envy of even those we love, our pride and desire for glory, our disagreements, our gluttony, our judgments and self exaltations, our neglect, our whining, our complaining, our hiding and isolating, our vanity and obsession with ourselves, and every other form our sin takes. He died for it all. Satan intends to use our sin against us, for evil. But God, in His love and mercy, allows our sin, and desires to use it for our good and His glory. Satan, to plant roots of bitterness and doubt, but God to plant seeds of love and faith. Satan, to grow our ugly pride, but God to slay our pride and replace it with humility and a desire for His glory. Satan, to hurt those we love, but God to open the door for authenticity in relationships so souls may be won.
God forgives sin. He has forgiven my sin and continues to forgive it each and every day when I return to him and confess it. He is so faithful and just. So present with me. I am seeing that this same process should be a very normal part of my interactions with others. I will sin. Perhaps intentionally, hopefully less and less, but more often unintentionally. Am I ready and willing to humble myself, apologize and seek forgiveness? Am I equally ready to extend forgiveness when I am wronged? I should be. Sin will be an ever present part of life until Jesus returns or He takes me home. I just hope I am learning to embrace the weakness in me more and more. For it is then that Christ's power can truly rest on me; for when I am weak, then I am strong. To God be the glory!
